Sorry if today’s post is kind of stream-of-consciousness. I just had a lot to get out today.

Today, I admittedly logged into my own blog this morning for the first time in about 6 weeks. And it struck me how much I fall short of my own goals sometimes. I’ve had it drilled into me that I MUST BLOG CONSISENTLY if I intend to be a successful blogger.

And I do.

But then it hit me again. I’m only human, and I figure on some level, I’d rather read something honest and heartfelt, even if it’s not published as consistently as I’d like. I’ve noticed that’s really how I operate across the board. For instance, The Violet Burning, possibly my favorite band in the world, hadn’t put out an album of fully new material since early 2006 (excluding a live recording and an album reworking some of their early songs), and for a good year or more I eagerly awaited their new album. And you know what? It was completely worth it. To quote Toy Story 2, “You can’t rush art.”
That’s what I intend this blog to be. Art worth reading and passing on.

So this post is about being myself, admitting, when it comes down to it, I’m always really a beginner at something, especially when it comes to worthwhile things. And I know more deeply, as life goes on, it’s important to keep that posture throughout life. I think between reading “The Divine Conspiracy” by Dallas Willard, and now reading “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning, I think I’m finally figuring out that God really does love me right where I am, and on that basis I can practice becoming a “Little Christ”, as the word “Christian” means.

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to be a more mature and disciplined person as I grow older, but I’m finally realizing how much that means admitting I’m just a beginner.

For instance I wrote a couple months back about making the choice to turn down a “safe” job to stay self employed. In that, I have to admit, I didn’t really see the whole picture. I’m now at a full-time + job, but it’s at a company I truly like, and I’m getting to work on some things I have some real interest in. And it’s paying the bills, which admittedly, being a self-employed programmer wasn’t. So I admit, I’m a beginner when it comes to working in my passions. I have to admit, if I have to be a programmer, I really don’t want to be fully self-employed doing it. I’d rather save the type of energy required for self employment for something I care about much more. I guess the point is, God really knew what I needed and by admitting I’m a beginner and don’t know it all, I was able to make the choice and take this job.

Back to consistency – all this came about around the time of my last blog post, so I’ve been in the midst of major transition for the last month. I’m back to consistency now, God willing, but I’m still a beginner at that part.

Time to Start