A Fork In The Road
Today I had to make a hard choice. Choose a safe, long term contract with a large local company, or continue to press forward, being self employed, taking an opportunity to do some sub-contracting work part time for a smaller company – basically, another small entrepreneur like myself, with no guarantee of getting any more work after a month or two, with the advantage that it still leaves me time to forge a path, to find my way.

To be really honest, the initial choice felt easy, because I knew deep down what I wanted and knew it would make things easier on my wife, at least in the short term. But deep down, I think I know the only way to go with this is to go forward. I’ve spent close to a year now sticking to my guns, insisting that I would only take jobs that left me freedom to set my own schedule and work where I wanted. I started out thinking it would be easier than it was. I made some big mistakes, took on a couple clients that made things worse, lost my confidence, and lost my focus many times. I wish I could be funnier about this, but it’s still too close, and I’m still too raw.

On the other hand, I’ve seen God come through in ways I could never expect. I’ve gained courage and compassion I never had before and a burning desire to see others find their drive and find their heart. I don’t know what it means entirely, but I’ve met others along the way that are fighting just as hard as I am, that have something to offer the world.

For instance, Michael Pritzl of the band, The Violet Burning. He’s been around for over 20 years now, making some of the best, most heartwrenching and moving rock and roll in existence. Their latest release, “The Story of our Lives” has been playing almost non-stop on my iPod since I was able to download it a month ago. I listen because I hear God telling me not to give up when I listen. I’ve followed the band long enough to marvel at their ability to keep going as a relatively obscure band as long as they have. To quote one of my favorite songs off the newest album, “Rock Is Dead”:

Yeah, You left a song in my heart
But no one was listening
Rock is dead, Rock is dead they say
No way, no way no way!
– Michael J. Pritzl

It’s best to hear it though…

rock is dead from the violet burning on Vimeo.

All that said, I keep going back to a quote that changed my life when I really took it in.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
– Howard Thurman

I believe that will all my heart, all the mistakes along the way be damned. I’m still fighting.

Time to Start